I know as a I write this I am in the correct place; when I started this sentence It was precisely 1:11 a.m on Thursday 1/12/2017.
Or ‘11’ ‘11’ 2+2 = ‘4’ and ‘17
Ok universe I get it; ‘mind the repeating patterns we harass you with ten times per day, stay in school and say no to drugs!’
Very big changes are continuing to unfold in my life; specifically when I take the time to do a deep guided meditation once per week. Pandora’s box has pretty much been opened since the ‘I am energy’ break-through meditation at my 'now spiritual leader’s' Jigar Shah’s house under the scornful eye of a giant portrait of Shiva while Jigar placed an orgone energy pyramid in my hand. Every other ‘hour deep meditation’ I do now results in pretty much ‘miracle experiences’ for me. I just never get to write and organize them!
The recent one happened less then an hour ago.
Before I decided ‘holy shit the only thing I can actually accomplish is a deep meditation’. Nothing else sounded ‘fun’. It was completely a bad day for me. I was in a state of depression and confusion as my ‘pain body’ had sent out a crippling flair through the entirety of my physical being. I was stunned… I sulked around my house despite being rested as if I had just escaped a Minotaur attack on my way to the grocery store earlier. But I had not been physically attacked by a mythical creature; it was purely mental. Purely spiritual; purely emotional. This has always been my worse enemy.
But tonight was different.. I had never had the ability to seek meditation and 'miraculously heal myself'. I guess it makes sense... I had to heal myself before attempting to heal anyone else in a life-changing meaningful way as a friend, lover, teacher, or mentor in anything.
I ‘accidentally’ used an hour deep guided meditation to turn the pain body against itself. It actually jolted me into the ‘only thing’ I could do at the time: ‘an unknown hour meditation’
I choose one off youtube from Joe Treacy : ‘Guided Meditation- Clearing Negativity with your Spirit Guide’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruRChvQUVMw
It was 40 minutes, but it took me 20 minutes of preparation with a sage cleanse and some other nonsense to get myself in the perfect state for exploration.
I looked at about 30 other titles before I selected this meditation (I needed completely new, but decided to scroll titles until something 'called to me' or 'felt right'). I’m not sure why I picked it; something about it just ‘sounded fun’ at a time where nothing else in the physical universe FELT or SOUNDED FUN. I found myself unable to even consider going to a local bar 10 minutes away and trying kiss a local girl (well at a minimum). NO NO NO… .a GUIDED MEDITATION WITH A WHITE TIGER ON IT SOUNDED BETTER?
Yes; this is what life has become at this point!
At the time the selection sounded reasonable; looking back I’m not quite sure… I mean it’s a 10 minute drive man?
I wasn’t really expecting anything, but after about 30 minutes IN A DEEP meditative state things exploded into discovery and I felt purely blessed to experience any of it.
In the ultimate twist of fate NIBBLES revealed herself as my spirit guide; the first one I’ve met.
The ‘good omen cat’ that I have been writing about like a lunatic for the past few months in this sub-channel suddenly appeared in the meditation.
I intuitively created a happy place (as Joe instructed); which was myself chilling outside of my new house I was so grateful for in the sunshine. The wild turkey was stupidly pecking at seeds in at the edge of my woods and lawn. I was sitting on the chair on my small, but fantastic patio with my hookah. Nibbles (the wild cat I feed daily) was in some sort of cat-basket on the table. I guess we had become slightly better friends!
But not all was well… Scribbles the evil omen cat lurked near by. Rather then ‘becoming scared’ in the meditation (as Scribbles is an evil spirit guide or force who should have far more power in this realm... the cat was now preparing to inflict chaos upon myself the human) I intuitively rose to the challenge and strategically lured ‘Scribbles’ closer as a game to 'fuck with him' and 'play dumb' (as if I didn't know his plans and treated it like a dream). I even said ‘SCRIBBLES!’ ‘Such a good cat; you must be hungry right!’ (he knows damn well he has stolen Nibbles food and he is almost positive I want Nibbles around and not him).
This was clearly displayed a week ago when both cats were present and I apparently empathically casted Scribbles as I raised my arm with a fierce point into the wilderness. Scribbles responded a split second later as he turned into a full sprint towards the hills; as Nibbles casually froze before walking up to the closed glass door which I stood behind.
The situation in the meditative state remained crystal clear as Scribbles of course tried to come in to fuck with the happy place; as always. As he attempted to cross the invisible border 'between my lawn and the forest' the turkey Immediately CAME DIRECTLY AT SCRIBBLES; and chased him away. Nibbles and I started laughing.
It was perhaps then I 100% knew Nibbles was far more then just a cat.
I then intuitively pieced together in a flash that perhaps Nibbles was here for a reason; he selected to be incarnated as a cat on this planet by free-will to learn when he was previously a conscious being else-where. He purposely selected to NOT HAVE A CONSCIOUS HUMAN MIND HERE, but he did select purpose of helping other third-density or 'human' light workers; and he wanted to hopefully become one… He also took joy in the opportunity to actually ‘act as a spirit guide’ for certain humans that seeked her guidance. This was tied to her purpose- offering assistance to lost people like me could eventually help her incarnate as a human in this world during a future life; to even have the ability of conscious thinking mind... So uh … here we were. 'Look at the coward flee!!'
In an instant Nibbles realized fully I had of course ‘knew way to much’. Apparently in the spiritual realm Nibbles if far more then 'just a cat': in an instant her physical form changed into something on two legs with MASSIVE BRIGHT blue eyes standing well over five feet tall. The best way I could describe the newly formed entity was almost some sort of ‘Protoss being’ (from Star-caft the video game… shut up don’t be hating!) Perhaps a Zealot without swords drawn; only female and dressed more fashionably!... She looked like a higher energy of slight good and order; but war-like in another dimension by nature and not to be fucked with. She was not of bad nature; just unbelievable intimidating and more powerful then I could comprehend. I was not frightened in the least (Nibbles suddenly turning into an unidentified female being that could probably take over half the world in a day would be perhaps the 11th worst thing that happened in my life during the past 3 months); but I was prepared for anything (do your worst right?). I still knew at my core the being and I were 'companions' and had each-others best interests in mind... well for the most part...
Eventually paths were laid about before me from our little ‘sanctuary’. It was just us now as we sort of agreed maybe it was best for Nibbles to stay in the form of a cat… so she had turned back into a cat sitting close in front of me, but was STARRING ME DOWN locked with MASSIVE blue eyes 5 times the normal size of a blue-eyed human.
"Nibbles… alright… there is no way I’m picking the path with you staring at me like that or I faked: ‘please nibbles be my friend… I need you as a cat brah!’…
All I knew was I couldn't trust Nibbles in this state; her ego was somehow involved or my ego was threatened. I preferred thinking about things for a moment without being stared down by a 'cracked out' Nibbles.
There is still trust to be developed with Nibbles and it was mutually understood...
it worked… Nibbles turned the other way as a cat sleeping ‘or pretending to be sleeping’ as I could no longer see her face; just the ball of the same sleeping (previously abandoned) Persian wild-cat I feed who sneaks up and meows for no reason. Well other then to tell me about her day and perhaps a little snack of deli-cat!
The first path 'choice' mentioned by Joe was one of ‘Spirituality’. Well I mean obviously; I mean I did kind of choose that to even be in this ridiculous situation.
Stubbornly enough I still did not consider that the ‘proven path’ yet (my ego fully returned!) because the entire point of constructing this ‘present moment’ was to create a relaxing ‘happy place’ where the spirit guide and I could discuss things such as the terror-bird wild turkey that just randomly showed up and chased out scribbles the obviously evil omen cat/influence.
It was amusing that ‘Scribbles’ didn’t even realize I already fully knew he is an evil omen of sorts well before the meditation started; and Nibbles is in fact good. I had already took a side... I 100% figured that out many moons ago. Scribbles must think I have the spiritual awareness of a pineapple. And well he is probably right; but still luckily underestimates me to no end.
Either way the path choices sprawled out in a fury before me.
I intuitively knew I would trust Nibbles far more then sprinting alone into one of the random paths... so I decided to put more trust in the guide as I had trusted her as 'good-hearted' from the first moment I met her in real life (the first night I moved into my new place completely alone looking to rebuild my life; as she stood eerily close to the back window-slider starring. I knew she was just curios in a friendly way; and would be fortunate to ever see her again.)
She wouldn't appear again until two months later a day after I randomly decided to 'buy deli cat' as I was at a grocery store 'just in case that cool persian cat ever returned'. The next day I placed the food out in a bowl and the same cat showed up to eat it in less then an hour. Shortly after I was feeding the cat daily. However, she would normally only eat 'a quarter of the bowl' and 'take a nibble'. So the legend of Nibbles was born. Shortly after, I knew if the bowl was full gone; it was the work of Scribbles 'the other cat' who devoured all in sight. I had not named scribbles, I have to give my friend 'Donald The Deal Man' credit for that one.
During the deep meditative state I had confidence that Nibbles had my best interest in mind so I tried to pet Nibbles and she immediately ran off into one of the paths as I strategically expected and was the best case scenario result (in real life I have never been able to pet her, but she will sneak up a foot from me and meow meow meow). The Persian breeds are social; but this one is abandoned and still correctly frightened of any humans. She doesn’t want to be fully domesticated ever again… she wants to be part wild; and who would blame her?
Still in the deep meditative state I sprinted off into the path that Nibbles had selected …
The path was to represent the one thing I would do new to add ‘life’ and ‘drive’ into my present moment (as Joe Treacy suggested) in life; which I was desperately lacking in a state of loss and confusion with an activated pain body a mere 2 hours before.
AS previously brought up in the same meditation I should ease into Forex trading under the recommendation of my friend I always considered 'unoffical spiritual leader' ‘Jigar Shah' aka 'Killer Instinct'. I considered this before the meditation, but it seemed over-whelming and my plan made no sense. An hour a day actually made sense.
I learned I should go WITH THE FLOW and commit one hour per day of FOREX study as a daily effective habit; not binge it like poker until you burn out and kill every piece of fun out of it. I should not be afraid to take the chance; but ease into it as a daily effective habit and rationally re-evaluate after a month.
I am already an IML member and Jigar is also my up-line. The main reason I joined the company was to ‘be more social’ as I was losing touch with good friends fast… I had become isolated to the point of almost completely losing touch with my main private poker group; a second family to me. My local friends were for the most part gone as a result of my demand for isolation and privacy after a near-death experience.
In addition to improving social areas; I trust the resources available in the company to make side income in addition to poker as well. And who the fuck can out-work the Boo-Train?
Anyways sorry.... meditation right:
The past me would have gone out and attempted to get into all sorts of trouble at a local club night to give into all sorts of distractions to avoid the emotional pain. The new me was not trying to get laid since the last parasitic nightmare of a relationship (rather hiding from that fate); I needed to rebuild in isolation. It was a choice to be isolated; to take the pain and emerge stronger... It hurt like hell, but it was necessary for growth.… this is the time I would grow up. This time I would suffer fully with the mistake of my most recent ‘sexual partner choice’. It was time to grow up and actually 'get the lesson'. There was no going back for the reason of ‘horny as hell’ enough is enough. This was why you ran into her public on a one in a million impossible 'chance' not even a week ago (first time out in months for a friends bday); a clearly ‘meant to happen’ experience; but not meant to hook up again. Enough is enough; there is a time to be sexually reckless and a time to not be; but there is never a time to go back to the past.
All we ever have is the now; the present now.
Be here; be now…
How can one not enjoy the now?
So some-how that one little ‘push’ changed everything. I stopped my overwhelmed anxiety infested human thinking mind just long enough for Nibbles to scratch a shred of direction into me; it stopped the pain body in it's tracks. Clearly you can EASE INTO SOMETHING responsibly as a daily effective habit. Life is not meant to be ‘added stress’.
New situations and challenges are meant to be ‘added experiences to enjoy’ not 'forced hours to produce X amount of dollars for unspecified reasons'
Go with the flow...
And clearly poker is not to be neglected; just win the Borgata main event at the end of the month for +$700,000 and make sure you're logging the volume to at least log $1500 profit no matter what playing 100NL. Set the goal LOW NOT HIGH; live low-key life for a moment; just like the first two years you started out full time.
This creates discipline and an enjoyable experience to learn; rather then stressing the fuck out for no reason like your ego insists that you do by default: which you have been doing in a misery almost as bad as 'your corporate job out of college' for countless years.
You have become your own corporate; that's the truth you could never see. That was never the life you set out for as you fought hard for increased freedom.
You have been going against the 'grain of life' for far too long now; it is uncalled for. It is far from healthy physically or emotionally. Sure you had to play 'catch up a little' to escape the doomed path but enough is enough.
Let life work for you for once. Life is not meant to be 'corporate' and 'rigid' it is meant to be 'natural cycles of effort; some insane; some low volume' and 'flow'
Something I've been struggling with that didn't come up in the meditation was a 'writers block' in relation to the actual writing project I'm supposed to do for my publisher; who is also my friend and pretty much one of the only people who has actually believed in me about anything. So after the meditation I SPRINTED UPSTAIRS to write this... at least I can write something. I'm confident when I'm ready to actually focus and go after the final small creative entry to complete the project it will be that much better; and it will not be against the flow.
May Nibbles triumph as Scribbles eternally 'stalks' in the shadows.
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